Jessica amazes me everyday, but getting through the trauma of a hospitalization and working her way back to campus to finish her Senior year was huge! As she reentered school with the extra support, her IEP team met to figure out how to best support her success for the rest of the year. Jessica surprisingly chose to step out of Band class. This is where her peer group had been since 7th grade, so I was surprised by this request. But when asked, Jessica had the insight and understanding that I had also noticed ver the past year, which was that all the kids has surpassed Jessica. While they were all kind and friendly to her and she definitely had a presence in the room when she was there, academically, they were all talking of going away to college with goals beyond what Jessica could even imagine right now. She recognized this and the fact that she didn’t really have a desire to practice her instrument…so she quit band. I was concerned about her isolating and not having activities to participate in, but what I came to realize was that Jessica was asking to simplify and reduce her stress. Social activity was stressful. If we as parents are willing and able to listen, our kids on the spectrum are listening, watching and have amazing insight, they are just selective as to when and how they share this with us. Jess was still fragile after this hospitalization and she intuitively knew what she needed in this moment.
Outside of school, we decided to pursue equine therapy. Jessica had learned to ride when she was nine years old and loved horses. We had taken a break from riding because it was expensive. Years later, I had more resources and had been given a referral to a person near us to get her back on a horse. This was an interesting process. I will never forget the first weeks of lessons and I often reflect on this experience when I think about where she was and how far she has come. Even though Jessica was no longer suicidal and she was back at school, she was emotionally fragile. This was blatantly clear when she was sitting on this giant horse. I sat on the side of the fence watching as Jessica sat on the horse and told her horse to “walk on”…”walk on”…and the horse just stood there. There was no mind/body connection, Jessica was in her head and expected that the horse was going to listen to her words. That is not how horses function, this is what makes them such amazing therapy animals. This happened for a couple of weeks. Then she finally figured out how to use her body to make the horse move forward…progress! But when she walked the length of the arena, the horse stopped again. Her instructor had given the direction to turn to the left and continue walking. But the horse just stopped. Here is the phenomenal parallel process that I have repeatedly seen with Jessica and her horses. The horse needed Jessica to make a decision as to which direction she wanted to go, before she got to the end of the arena, but that is where she got stuck. She didn’t know where she wanted to go next. Jessica, in the emotional state that she was in (though we had little moments of progress getting back to school), was unable to make a decision. And this is exactly what I was witnessing outside of the arena. She could not make a decision about what she wanted for dinner, what activity or club she wanted to join, what outfit she wanted to wear to school, it didn’t matter, she was stuck. Just like the horse was stuck. This intrigued me. I watched more intently each week on the horse and I gave her more grace, love, patience to heal at home. And then one day, the horse was approaching the end of the arena and she turned and kept moving! And that same week, I witnessed Jessica make some big decisions at home. She decided she wanted to walk for graduation and she wanted to go to college! You will hear more about the power of equine therapy in nurture posts because this has become Jessica’s passion and the most effective form of therapy she has had. Traditional talk therapy has never been effective for Jessica, it is too intrusive to sit in a room across from someone and have a conversation for someone who has social anxiety and difficulty with eye contact, social cues are missed and anxiety over powers the ability to take in information. But therapy with the horses allows for mind/body awareness and therapy in the context that is most comfortable for Jessica, talking and walking or grooming or any activity that does not require eye contact and Jessica, we have discovered learns through metaphor and she uses her horses in those metaphors as well as her favorite tv characters. She is outside the box! Once we figured out how to communicate and how she learned, her care team was able to think outside the box with her and we saw progress.
Progress on the horse continues the stronger she became emotionally and graduation day arrived! She did it! Another victory for this amazing young lady and boy were we proud!
Being Jessica's Mom: Growing up on the Autistic Spectrum 