Being Jessica's Mom: Growing up on the Autistic Spectrum

So band camp was a great success and a great way for Jessica to transition into high school.  She had a peer group, she was settled in her resource classes, she loved her teachers and they were all very fond of Jessica and her medications seemed to be managing the Trichotillomania.  Sounds like smooth sailing, right?  Sure, except that as the year went on, Jessica would come home and make comments like,”I feel like I am invisible; I don’t have any friends; I am the quiet girl who sits in the corner”.  It broke my heart to hear her say these things and that this is how she perceived her world.  This was not how I perceived Jessica.  Jessica was certainly not atypical, but she was social at home and with friends and family.  She has a great vocabulary and she wanted to have friends.  So what was getting in the way?  (remember, ASD was not on my radar as a diagnosis at this point).  When I would see her on campus with the band kids, she appeared to be enjoying herself and excited to be at the football games and performing.  But it wasn’t what I could see that was the problem, it was what I couldn’t see.  As I listened a little deeper throughout the year, it was becoming clear that this was Jessica telling me she was overwhelmed on this big campus (feeling invisible was how she felt walking through campus from class to class), it was also how she felt in band when there were so many different conversations happening at one time and she couldn’t join in, because she couldn’t keep up or respond fast enough.  I don’t remember what year it was, but there was a beach bon-fire for the band one summer.  We did family bon-fires every year, so Jessica was excited to go and familiar with the activity.  But when I picked her up and asked how it was, her response was again, not what I expected.  She said, “I didn’t really talk to anyone, I just sat on the side and watched”.  When I asked why, she was so insightful, explaining that everyone was talking at once and she couldn’t understand what they were all saying.  This was Jessica’s inability to process information and respond in a timely manner, getting in her way of being able to participate in group conversations that most of us take for granted.  Now it was making more sense to me.  One on one or in a small group with maybe two other people, she did much better.  Ah-ha!  But at this point, she did not have a small group and feeling invisible, disconnected from her peers and overwhelmed on campus everyday created new issues for my sweet girl.