Summertime with my kids has always been fun and relaxed. Lots of water, wether it was the beach or swimming at our local pool. Before I was divorced, we lived at a lake and the weather was hot, we had a great backyard and I was a stay-at-home-mom, so we played everyday. After the divorce, I had a job with a school district (I would recommend this job schedule for all mom’s who have to work-summer off!). We would still go to the pool, but I found myself wanting to get out of town more. We did a little more camping, we loved to go to Disneyland, baseball games and overall enjoyed each other.
For Jessica, like most kids her anxiety went down over summer, and like most kids on the spectrum, there were certain activities that I noticed sensory triggers for her…but they did not appear to be consistent. (remember, I did not actually know or realize that I had a kid with developmental delays or what that all meant when she was younger, so this is all hindsight. There actually was consistency, I just didn’t see it back then.) We could go to Disneyland from the time it opens until the time it closes and there would not be one melt down, not one request to go home…Jessy LOVES Disneyland. But then we would go to a wedding, which is a small outdoor venue and there is music, dancing and people she knows, and I watch her move to the outside of the space, sitting at a table away from the crowd. She declines to dance and instead begins asking to go home. I am energized by being in the middle of the dance floor, moving my body and singing to the music, Jessica is drained by the crowd and loudness of everything and just wants to escape. Have you heard the terms “preferred activities” and “non-preferred activities”? The schools use them a lot. I see it with kids on the Spectrum and with kids who have ADHD (they can bounce around all day from one thing to another, but put them in front of legos and they will sit quietly for hours building)…sound familiar? What I notice with Jessica is the more intimate the event, family gatherings, weddings, etc, the less tolerance she has because it means she socially has to “be on”(non-preferred). Disneyland is loud and crowded, but she doesn’t know anyone excepts those she is with, so she is able tote out the loudness and the crowds and just be herself(preferred).
As I became more aware of these triggers, I began to have Jessica pack a bag with preferred activities each time we went to a family gathering or social event. Then she had permission to take her bag and sit in another room to color, read, etc. to take a break. It worked much better because this is something she can control, she comes in and out of the socializing as she is comfortable and when she needs a break, she can take it. Now that she is older, she packs a bag on her own because she has learned that this works for her. The more we can figure out and notice WITH our kids, the more insight and awareness they will have about themselves when they are older, which means greater independence for them.
Being Jessica's Mom: Growing up on the Autistic Spectrum 