I’m back! I have been offline for a brief hiatus. I didn’t go anywhere, I didn’t do anything special, I simply wasn’t motivated to write. I thought about this blog most everyday and I have lots of thoughts and ideas, but I just couldn’t get myself to sit down and start. What I was motivated to do was sift through boxes of photos (remember those?). Such memories, such reminders of where we have been and how far we have come. Sentimental, sweet, moments of when Jessica was younger, and her never ending smile put a smile on my face. Yet, as I looked through these pictures, there is always this shadow of the growing struggles she has endured. It is moments like this that I am reminded of how easy it is to get sucked into that dark hole of sadness and grief that my child does not have it easy in life. And there is a place for this grief (that is another blog post) but the other side of it is her strength, innocence, empathy for others and I am in awe of her perseverance. No matter what obstacle in front of her, she always has a smile and just kept plugging along. Maybe this struggle has been harder for me (at least when she was younger) than it was for her. “Ignorance is bliss”…right? The less insight she had as a child, the less she had to worry about, she just didn’t know any different. The reality is, in spite of what emotional and school issues that were going on, she participated in her life. I signed her up for soccer when she was five. T-Ball when she was six. She played Volleyball for a couple of years, we went to Disneyland, flew on a plane, took the train, she played three instruments and played in the band for Junior High and High school. She has hiked in Yosemite and camped in a tent. She participated in her life and had fun! She loves fashion, animals and Disney everything! Reminiscing about when she was younger is always bittersweet, but remembering all the fun, her strengths and the beautiful person she has grown to be today is the most important reminder to me that all of my hard work as her mom, her advocate, her case manager, her cheerleader, her whatever she needed me to be has paid off. Don’t give up.
Being Jessica's Mom: Growing up on the Autistic Spectrum 