Just days before 4th grade started, I had the unpleasant task of telling my children that their dad and I were getting divorced. I will say that I think I did a good job delivering the message and making sure they understood as best they could what that meant. But this wasn’t an immediate change and I am sure there was some confusion at first. I stayed in the home for a couple of months after the announcement. I hadn’t worked in over 10 years (a blessing I will always thank my ex-husband for). I was a stay at home mom, actively involved in the kid’s school: PTA President and room mother, play dates and sleep overs…I am so grateful for that time. So, October of that year I found my own place, for the first time ever. I had never lived on my own (I lived in the guest house at my parent’s house until I was 24 and then I got married) and now I was going to be a single parent living on my own for the first time and in my mid-thirties….I got this! I found a cute little condo, hugged my ex-husband of 13 years good-bye and I moved. The kids continued to be with me most of the time and being the good therapist that I was, I provided them with many opportunities to share their thoughts and feelings about the divorce and all the things they had no control over and they were very open and able to express themselves….I got this!
I don’t remember how long it took after we moved to the new place, but nothing prepared me or Jessica for what came next. I just remember walking into her room and catching her standing in front of her mirror pulling her eyelashes out! I was devastated, my heart stopped beating for a moment, I am sure of it. I knew what this was, but I also new that I needed to get another opinion. So, I called a colleague of mine and they agreed to meet with Jessy and I that evening. It was confirmed, Trichotillomania (trick-o-til-o-mania), diagnosis #2.
Trichotillomania (TTM) is classified as an obsessive-compulsive disorder under DSM-5. More commonly known as hair-pulling disorder, it involves an individual recurrently pulling hair from any part of his/her body – the head, eyelashes, eyebrows, beard, underarms, chest, legs, or other area. The condition can develop in childhood or adulthood but onset is usually around 9 to 13 years of age. I secretly think there is a hormonal component to this disorder. Many people who have TTM experience a high level of anxiety and/or depression.
You can’t imagine the guilt and sadness I felt. Did I create this? Did the divorce and transition between two households create so much anxiety for my precious little girl that she had developed this clinical disorder in which engages in self-harming behavior? I thought I did all the right things by talking with her about her feelings. What happened? I don’t have this……
Being Jessica's Mom: Growing up on the Autistic Spectrum 