Being Jessica's Mom: Growing up on the Autistic Spectrum

It took me until Jessica was in fourth grade before I figured out that I had a voice and that NOTHING was going to happen in regards to needed school support unless I used that voice and commanded attention to my daughter.  There were a few significant signs that caused me to pay more attention and start to really look at the possibility that Jessica was not in the average center of the bell shaped curve.

There had been some mention at teacher conferences of Jessica spending more time playing by herself on then playground, not really engaging  with others.  Well, ok, but when I have kids to the house or she goes to a friend’s house, she seems to socialize just fine. She played T-ball, soccer and volleyball, like all of the other kids.  She wasn’t athletic, but she had fun and engaged with her teammates…so this was not a concern for me.

In second grade, she had the most wonderful teacher who noticed that Jessica was still sucking her thumb during class, with no concern from Jessica regarding how her peers might perceive this behavior.  The teacher was concerned she would be teased and took such a gentle and private approach with Jessica that by the end of that year she had stopped this behavior.  Interestingly enough, her peers have never teased her for being herself.  They have always just accepted her as the sweet, kind and gentle soul that she is.  This was true even through high school (more to come on that).  Teachers make all the difference in the world.  There are those that get it and are graceful and supportive and then there is her third grade teacher…..

I don’t recall how far into the school year we were when the teacher sat down and stunned me.  Maybe it was the first parent/teacher conference of the year, but I will never forget this conversation.  She started out by saying that Jessica seems “distracted” in class.  She is often looking around the room when there is class discussion.  And though she participates and raises her hand, she is often off topic, noticing patterns in the wall rather than commenting on the subject at hand. And then…here it comes…she actually says to me, “There is medication for that…”.  My thought bubble is exploding!  Are you f-ing kidding me?  Do you realize you are talking to a mental health therapist?  This is sooooo out of your scope of practice!  You don’t know anything about my child!  But I look at her and smile, thank her for the information and I leave.  The funny thing (funnier than my thought bubble) is that Jessica’s academics were at grade level (with the exception writing, which I will get to).  So she was taking everything in as an auditory learner and when I would check in with her during homework, she knew everything about what they had learned on any given subject.  This was not an attention issue (hence, stay within one’s scope of practice).  The writing was a different story.  Not only was Jessica’s penmanship very behind (fine motor delay), but she could not formulate a coherent paragraph, even with all of the graphic organizer tools she had learned.  She could however verbally give you a perfect topic sentence, three supporting sentences and a concluding sentence.  In addition, the teacher mentioned that Jessica’s reading comprehension was not where it should be, she couldn’t answer the comprehension questions on the books she was reading (but she was a great reader!).  Again, verbally, Jessica could tell me all about the books she had read…that is comprehension, right?  When I looked up the definition of comprehension, simply put, it is the ability to understand what you are reading.  Jessica had no issue with comprehension. The last thing with this teacher was that in the same conversation she suggested Jessica be held back and repeat 3rd grade….ARE YOU KIDDING ME???!!!

Needless to say I was not a happy parent when we went through 3rd grade.  But, I did pay more attention and research a few things that were brought to my attention (even though I didn’t like how it was done).  There was definitely a fine motor delay, penmanship was still that of a kindergartner or first grader; Jessica was a strong reader with excellent verbal skills (no speech delay…she is a talker!); there was no comprehension issue, but something was interfering in her ability to answer abstract questions about what she read (cognitive delay…she was still very concrete in her thinking); lastly, something was getting in her way of organizing her thoughts on paper, even though she verbally was able to organize.

And here is where I finally found my voice.  Two weeks into 5th grade, I went to the teacher, I introduced myself very politely and then stated, “Here is the deal, I am not going to have any conversation with you about holding my child back, because that is never going to happen and here is my written request for a full psycho-educational evaluation, I would like it to happen as soon as possible.  Thank you.”.